[clearly v. drunk. And yelling:]

TODAY IS DAY 1306.

WHY THE FUCK AREN'T WE OUT YET?

Someone fucking answer this!

I'm reading old entries and you guys were having a SWIMMING CONTEST on Day 16 ( Read more... )

Shit, what do I even do with my life anymore ( Read more... )

[laying across a table in the dining room. Yeah, that's right, LAYING on your goddamn table. Wanna fight about it? Schyeahhhh!

Also, in a Hooters-esque uniform that says "Heroes" across the chest, and the top doesn't even reach the bottom of her tits.

With a box of wine. And a-singin':]I was just waaaaatching TV ( Read more... )

This week always makes me laugh like some sort of fucking lunatic. You have to wonder what the castle's thinking -- ell-oh-ell, let's give everyone little babies, and they will spend a week doing quaint little family things and bonddddddddding. You know what would be creepier? If it made some residents the babies ( Read more... )

[stiletto clicks in background, lazy dictation]Ever notice that the rooms tend to fill from the bottom up? The lower the floor, the more likely you are to get a neighbour. Hell, I used to be on the second floor -- as soon as there was a vacancy, there'd be someone new there ( Read more... )

Hey bitches it's Monday night and no one has work tomorrow (except the masochists) so fuck yeah, there's nothing wrong with Mondays. So we're gonna play a little GAME ( Read more... )

I'm going to say this shit while it's still fresh in my mind:

Do you ever feel like this city is so fucking realistic?

I guess that sounds like fucking shit to you people who are bitching about how you, oh my god, would never be a stupid celebrity or a burger flipper or the fuckin' CEO of Whatsifuckitworld. You're too fucking caught up on what's ( Read more... )

[dictated, loudly...]

HEY.

WHO IS WATCHING THE OSCARS?

DID I JUST SLEEP THROUGH THE WORST HOLIDAY OF THE YEAR?

[sniffle]

MotherFUCK.

[okay, so being trapped in a movie theatre for days on end was strange enough, but the fact that she and everyone else had been STARED at by a perpetually cheerful ghost that had provided sustenance that wasn't in the form of popcorn was just freakish, if only for the lack of words and unblinking eyes...]Should we... talk about that strange ghost ( Read more... )